Redheads are Aliens. Believe It.

Daddy, why are mommy and me redheads?

Well son, it’s time you knew the truth. Mommy is an alien and you are her son. She’s a mutant from outer space, but she’s your mother and we all love her anyway, just as we love you. You see son, redheads are a mutation of the MC1R gene that we all have, which codes for the melanocortin-1 receptor. The pigment found in red hair that makes it red is called pheomelanin. I know first grade is more rigorous than when I went to school, so you probably already know that the cytogenetic location is 16q24.3, which is the long (q) arm of chromosome 16 at position 24.3. Normal people don’t have this mutation, so after years of research it has been determined that redheads are descendants from an alien race.

beautiful-beauty-blouse-7025.jpgSon, the first recorded example of a redhead is Wilma The Neanderthal, from bones believed to be over 40,000 years old. From there, redheads have been prominent kings and queens, such as Henry II, Richard the Lionheart, Elizabeth Woodville, Elizabeth of York, Elizabeth I, Alexander II, and Mary Queen of Scots. In fact, son, redheads don’t just become rulers, they also are philosophers, scientists, actors and actresses, and have infiltrated all walks of life. Some well-known redheads include Socrates, Galileo, Darwin, King David, Achilles, Helen of Troy, Aphrodite, Vincent van Gogh, Mark Twain, Thomas Jefferson, Queen Elizabeth I, Sir Winston Churchill, King Arthur, JK Rowling and Jane Goodall.

e most stunning and spectacular actors and actresses are redheads. Current film stars from another world include Christina Hendricks, Clay Aiken, Gilliam Alexy, Carol Alt, Blake Anderson, Gillian Anderson, Glennellen Anderson, Boris Becker, Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts, Emma Stone, Kirsten Dunst, Lindsay Lohan, Kate Winslet and on and on. Your dad’s favorite of late is Amy Adams, who would have a huge man crush on your dad if she had only met him.

For a historical reference, Stonehenge was created by a redhead, and Easter Island was built by the Hanau epe people, also redheads. The pyramids were designed by redheads. In South America, the Paracas were a people of elongated skulls with red hair, when no one else in that region had red hair, leading to the obvious conclusion that red heads are of foreign origination. But enough about that son, let me explain why you should be happy that you and mommy have red hair.

Science has proven that the MC1R mutation makes you have a higher pain tolerance, thus you can put up with us pure humans more easily. You redheads have higher IQs on average, which over time will help bring the rest of us up to your level. You have an elevated intuition, helping you diagnose danger easier. Science has proven that redheads are sexier and more aromatic than others, leading to well, that’s for another day son. Well, there are a lot of reasons to be glad you are a redhead, but please don’t pity us mere humans. Redheads came from a planet that was further from its sun, so redheads need a special protectant, called sunscreen, to remain healthy on our planet. That is why you can’t go to the beach for long, can’t stay on the water long enough to water-ski and must generally stay out in the sun. On a good note, you can snow ski since you’ll be all covered up.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I snow ski.

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