Slow Pokes Need A Stun Gun!

Life In The Fast Lane, the Eagles hit of 1977, had its genesis when Glenn Frey was being driven “The Count”, his drug dealer at the  time. The Count liked going fast and Glenn asked him to slow down, and the response was “What do you mean? It’s life in the fast lane!” The riff was Joe Walsh’s, but the words were written by Frey and Don Henley to explain their excessive life style.

In Georgia, our Life In The Fast Lane is constricted by two forces. #1 is the police, who aim their high tech laser pointers at the fast lane and await their next traffic stop. #2 are the Slow Pokes, the self-policers, those citizens who apparently feel the need to control everyone else’s speed. While there is a law requiring slow pokes to move over, it is seldom enforced. The law never mentions that the slow poker gets to determine what is fair and reasonable, yet the effect is the same.

animal-portrait-1201431OCGA 40-6-184(c) “Upon roads, streets, or highways with two or more lanes allowing for movement in the same direction, no person shall continue to operate a motor vehicle in the passing lane once such person knows or should reasonably know that he or she is being overtaken in such lane from the rear by a motor vehicle traveling at a higher rate of speed. For purposes of this Code section, “passing lane” means the most left-hand lane other than a high occupancy vehicle lane.

Notice the law doesn’t say “Interstates” or “State Highways.” It includes roads and streets. Roads like Houston Lake Road, Watson, Russell, Moody, Highway 247, etc. Absolutely no one honors the slow poke law on those roads. No one.

So, Mr. Slow Poke, what law makes you the determiner of the speed of those behind you? Were you anointed “The Chosen One” over whom road speeds are determined? Alas, my complaints will have no impact on the Slow Poke. They care not that they are blocking the road. They know that the police will not do a thing about it. The slow poke law, like so many laws, simply is one that is ignored by the violators and law enforcement.

Isn’t life like that? Some people are in a “high speed” mode, wanting to change the world, invent a product, impact a life or improve the environment, yet there will be a slow poke who is put in the position of throwing cold water to slow everything down. Sometimes it is a clerk at the municipal office desk, sometimes it’s an attorney who thinks they know better, or sometimes it’s a scientist who insists on studying the project more and more. I’ve run into my share of bureaucrats who are dream killers, but working around them shouldn’t be so hard.

Knowing that the bureaucrats will not enforce the slow poke law, I am applying for a patent for a thingy I call “The Enforcer.” It will fire an electronic dart at another car, totally disabling that car for five minutes. They will have enough time and power to guide their car to the emergency lane once tagged, but then they have to take a time out. Five minutes on the side of the road to consider their misdeed. To keep “The Enforcer” from being overused, each driver will only have 5 darts per year. And like a challenge flag in football, you can’t save them up for the last week of December. Only one dart may be fired in any given month, so use your darts sparingly. You cannot use your dart on the person who darted you either. No tit for tat allowed.

I do recognize that some bureaucrat will undoubtedly have to approve this concept. But get out of the fast lane! The Enforcer is behind you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s