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Grandma Got Run Over… by a Reindeer?

The Christmas song you love or hate the most is “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” Really, it’s in the Top Ten of both “most liked’ and “most disliked’ Christmas songs. Let’s explore this deadly song since Christmas is upon us and we’re having a good time. Elmo and Patsy, a husband-wife duo, originally performed the Randy Brook’s song in 1979. It started off slow on the radio, but picked up steam as time went on to become a moderate hit in the 1980s. It has endured ever since.

You’ll recall the song’s chorus. “Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking home from our house Christmas eve, You can say there’s no such thing as Santa, But as for me and grandpa we believe.” But why?

“She’d been drinking too much eggnog, And we begged her not to go, But she forgot her medication, And she staggered out the door into the snow.” Grandma was a pedestrian under the influence, which in Georgia, can get her arrested. OCGA 40-6-95 says it is illegal to be under the influence to the extent that one is a hazard to walk upon a roadway or shoulder of the road, which includes sidewalks. So Grandma left the plastered wall house and got plastered by a sleigh because she was plastered from consuming the eggnog. More proof that the English language is cool when you can use plastered in multiple ways.

“When we found her Christmas morning, At the scene of the attack, She had hoof-prints on her forehead, And incriminating Claus marks on her back.” Santa’s got a problem when he gets finished with his deliveries. OCGA 40-6-270 says “The driver of any vehicle involved in an accident resulting in injury to or the death of any person … shall immediately stop such vehicle at the scene of the accident… (and render aid)” among other things. Notice it doesn’t say “motor vehicle.” While it’s in the motor vehicle code section, it says “any vehicle.” Santa was driving a sleigh and Santa made no such effort to render aid. Santa may have been drunk himself and fled the scene. Bad Santa.

“Now we’re all so proud of grandpa, He’s been taking this so well, See him in there watching football, Drinking beer and playing cards with cousin Mel.” So Grandpa ain’t exactly broke up about Grandma being gone. Maybe he was tired of her drinking problem. Maybe she was a mean drunk. Anyway, he’s not missing her yet. Maybe he’s got a sizable insurance policy. Lucky Grandpa.

The family had a problem. “All the family’s dressed in black, And we just can’t help but wonder, Should we open up her gifts, Or send them back?” Now that’s a fun thing to put on a return receipt, “Why are you returning this item? Grandma got run over by a reindeer.”

“I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors, Better watch out for yourselves, They should never give a license, To a man who drives a sleigh, And plays with elves.” OCGA 40-5-20 covers the issuance of driver’s licenses, but that only applies on a “highway in this state.” Santa doesn’t usually go down a highway, best as I can tell. And the statute talks about a “motor vehicle”, which a sleigh isn’t. So Santa didn’t break that law. There are FAA laws about the skies, but that’s for another column. In this case, Grandma was hit on the sidewalk by a guy who flies in the sky and lands of roofs. I’m just not sure Georgia has a law on that type of license, but I go back to hit and run. I think Santa’s got some explaining to do. As to playing with Elves, I’d rather not think about that.

As for me, the ultimate gift has already been given, you can’t top it. May Jesus be your reason for this season. Merry Christmas.

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