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Pink Floyd Doesn’t Rock. Sorry.

I love rock’n’roll music. I have my Top 250 songs ranked, I have my top artists ranked, I even have lists of songs by themes. I know lots of rock trivia, but many folks know more than me. Rock’n’roll is fun, energizing and relaxing to me. It conjures up memories of my youth – good times, bad times (a Led Zep song title). I love rock’n’roll.

But I can’t stand Pink Floyd.

My son-in-law, Jim, suggested I write this column, since my dislike of Pink Floyd is so strong. So why do I dislike Pink Floyd?

Number one, they just don’t rock. They do a bunch of mind numbing, existential music, but they don’t rock. Pink Floyd is often described as “having creative and emotional depth” or “progressive musicians”, all of which is fine and dandy, but that ain’t rock. It has no beat. It has no rhythm and their songs make no sense.

As an example, literally minutes after Jim Pink Floydsuggested this column, Elena and I were driving along when Pink Floyd’s “Brain Damage” came on. I pointed out that it didn’t rock, so we listened to it for 30 seconds, and sure enough, no rock. I switched over to Classic Vinyl and the Rolling Stone’s “It’s only Rock’n’Roll To Me” was playing. No question, when you hear the Stones, it’s a rock song.

Jim compared Pink Floyd to jazz and said maybe that’s why I don’t like the Floyd. But jazz is a genre. People who like jazz, they listen to jazz stations. Why do I have to tolerate Pink Floyd as a rock band? They aren’t. Not even close. Yet Pink Floyd followers insist that Floyd rocks. That’s because Floydsters wish they were as cool as rockers, so they pretend that their band is a rock band, thus making the followers rockers too.

When I think of Pink Floyd, I think of dopers mostly (but not all, for instance, Jim). People smoking the dope and getting all mellow as they listen to Another Brick In The Wall. Fine, be mellow dopers. Who needs a job, after all? Live in your parents basement, what do I care? But they aren’t rockers. Rockers work for a living.

Last week, I saw Ted Nugent in concert. Now he’s a rocker! He really loves it too. He’s everything Osama Bin Laden hated. He lives to rock, loves to be loud, loves America and hates commies. Ted’s not a doper either. He’s pure energy and big, brash and crazy. He rocks.

Pink Floyd? They can’t even get along enough to pull off another tour, which is fine with me. They apparently hurt each other’s feelings over creative differences years ago and now they don’t talk. The Stones say stuff about each other all the time, laugh it off, and go on tour. Because how they “feel” isn’t as important as their desire to rock.

Pink Floyd doesn’t get any song on my Top 250 list, nor does the band rank anywhere on my list as I only list rockers. Some will disagree. Probably dopers, but most are too lazy to reply.

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